What We Need to Teach Our Young Girls About Their Hair

Hair is an important part of a young girl's identity and how she views it is shaped by what she learns. A positive view of her hair can increase her self-confidence for years to come. A negative view of her hair can cause her to carry those wounds into womanhood.

For these reasons, we must be purposeful. Young girls need to know that their hair is beautiful and that they are worthy and normal. More importantly, they need women around them to lead them toward self-acceptance through their actions and examples.

Teaching her that her hair is beautiful

The first thing a young girl needs to know about her hair is that it is beautiful. Not just beautiful when it has been stretched. Not just beautiful when it has been properly styled. Not just beautiful when other people approve of it. It is beautiful in its natural form.

She needs to hear that her coils, curls, kinks, and wooly texture is not too much. It is not unmanageable. It is not less feminine. It is not less attractive than any other texture in the world. When we speak positively about a young girl's hair at an early age, we protect her from the harsh messages she may receive from the world. We provide her with a base that tells her she doesn't have to change who she is to be beautiful.

Teaching her acceptance rather than comparison

Young girls are watching everything. They notice what is commended, what is criticized and what is made the standard. If a young girl is continually exposed to the same type of beauty being elevated above all others, she may start to compare herself and feel inadequate in her own eyes.

Therefore, we must teach her acceptance. She does not have to compete with another young girl's hair texture. She does not have to desire hair that flows and falls differently. She does not have to envy hair that is different from hers. She must understand that beauty comes in all shapes, textures, and forms.

She can celebrate her own beauty without fear of someone else's. And, she can allow women of other races to celebrate theirs as well. There is enough room for everyone to honor beauty without thinking there is only room for one.

Being the leader in showing her self-acceptance

We can only tell young girls what to think. We must also show them. Be the leader in showing her self-acceptance. Allow her to see you loving yourself. Allow her to see you proudly displaying your hair with pride and confidence. Allow her to hear you speaking well of yourself. Allow her to see that you are not afraid of your reflection. Allow her to grow up watching a woman who is at peace with her reflection.

A sister told me recently, "I want my daughter to grow up with bags of confidence, and she loves her natural hair." But the sister was not proud of her own hair. I asked her, "How will she love her natural hair if you are not?" Her reaction was pure shock. She had never thought of it that way.

I told her that she would have to be the influence and the leader. She finally got it. This conversation was important. It showed me that our daughters are not only listening to what we say. They are watching what we do.

Including your natural hair in your best moments

Young girls remember things. She remembers pictures. She remembers trips to the park. She remembers holidays. She remembers everyday moments at home. She remembers how the women around her conducted themselves. Include your natural hair in your best moments.

Allow her to see you smiling. Allow her to see you thriving. Allow her to see you celebrating. Allow her to see you living your life to the fullest while wearing your natural hair. Allow your beauty and happiness to shine together in her mind. Allow her to remember that some of your happiest moments were spent with your hair as it was.

Those kinds of memories can resonate with her long after childhood.

Celebrate what is natural

We should teach our girls that what is natural to them is not something to hide. It is something to understand, care for and celebrate.

When a girl learns this early, she becomes less dependent on outside approval. She becomes stronger against shame. She becomes more rooted in who she is. That is a gift that will bless her for life.

Our young girls need women who will help them build that foundation with tenderness and truth.

The lesson starts with us

If we want the next generation to walk in confidence, the lesson starts with us. We cannot lead girls into self-acceptance while rejecting ourselves. We cannot call them beautiful while treating our own natural beauty like something to fix.

So let us go first.

Let us celebrate our beauty. Let us wear our hair with dignity. Let us create homes, memories and examples that tell our girls they are already enough.

When we do that, we are teaching them far more than how to wear their hair. We are teaching them how to value themselves.

If this message resonated with you, Before We Become Extinct: How Do I Get the Confidence to Wear My Natural Woolly Hair? offers gentle encouragement for the journey towards embracing your natural hair with confidence, pride and self-acceptance.